Quitter Wanna Be

I have obsessive tendencies. Lots of them. One is an unhealthy affection for not stopping until I reach some sort of conclusion often coupled with an unhealthy affection for measuring my progress. For example, I rode a bicycle across the country and spent way too much time calculating the distance to and from home or whatever our destination was that day or estimate how much time it would take to get to the next pit stop if I maintained my speed. Thankfully, most activities have a natural conclusion. I couldn't ride a bike across the Atlantic. I can only get the toilet so clean. There are only so many episodes of Quantum Leap. You get what I mean.

So, here I am, 247 days from The Hellkat's birth and approximately 240 from my first pumping session. 240 days? I've probably averaged about 3 pumping sessions per day at about 20-25 minutes per session. That's 240-300 hours with my poor boobies attached to a milker. 10+ entire days of my life. I hate pumping. I hate that I know how many days I've spent pumping. I'd happily nurse my kid until college if I had to, but pumping is seriously getting me down. The problem: there's no natural conclusion. I keep make plans daily to start weaning myself from the pump and get the kid hooked on formula but I keep putting it off another day. I'm not even planning on quitting nursing mornings and nights. I even have a few weeks worth of boobcicle pops in the freezer. I don't think I'll be able to stop unless something happens to make me stop (drop in supply, loss of interest from Hellkat, broken pump).

I guess it's not such a terrible thing to keep pumping while I work this out in my head because my babe sure does appreciate it. But, if I'm still pumping in 4 months I seriously hope someone throws me an intervention. I'll bring the booze.

Here's The Hellkat telling the pump who's boss.

The New Year

Recent milestones: "So Big," wet sloppy kisses, more waving, more dancing, making "bldbldbldbld" noises with her tongue, smacking her lips when hungry, eating cheerios and bananas with her hands, yelling when she's annoyed, getting on hands and knees and rocking back-and-forth, pulling up a bit

I haven't written since the morning after our emergency room visit. It turns out that The Hellkat has a UTI and possibly pneumonia. The antibiotics clicked in and got rid of the fever by the following morning. Though I still question our decision to go to the emergency room, our pediatrician says they would have given her all the same tests and may have sent her to the hospital for some of the tests anyway. And, if we had waited, she would only have gotten sicker. So, though it may have been better to wait until the doctor's office opened, it probably wouldn't have been much better. Whatever! She's better and it was a good learning experience for all of us. Poor kid. Here's a video of her in sicky mode....



Anyway, here we are on the eve of the New Year and I have a lot on my mind. It's been an incredible year and though I've been tired and crappy lately, I am pretty happy about a lot of stuff. Most importantly, I have a happy, easy, sweet daughter that gives me an endless amount of joy. I have a delicious husband who is involved and loving and patient and kind. I'm a challenge so that's saying quite a bit! I need him more than let on and I'm lucky to have a partner who gives a shit. I also have a sweet, old dog that loves his new baby and isn't taking her arrival out on his parents. Thanks, G.!

Resolutions? I don't believe in them but, I do have some stuff I want to do this year. I want to get some of the weight off, of course. I want to figure out a way to work part-time. I want to get a few more credits under my belt. I want to be a better, happier wife. I want to teach my daughter a few tricks. Laugh more, play more, resent less, pout less, etc... Wish me luck!

Here We Go

It's been 230 days since The Hellkat sprang forth from my loins and I'm finally getting around to writing about it. If you're stuck in a room with me for more than five minutes you'll wonder why I need another outlet for my adoration of this little kid but I figure that getting it out here will get it out of my system. It also kinda makes up for the baby journals I never managed to put together. Hellkat, this is your legacy.

At some point I'll go backward and write about what's happened up to now but for now I think I'll describe what our life is like right now. I live in a small New York apartment with The Father, The Dog, and The Hellkat. We don't have quite enough room, money, or time, but we love each other and are happy. The Hellkat is, of course, growing up way too fast. She's 7.5 months and is suddenly hitting more milestones than I can keep track of. The best -- clapping, dancing, waving, and eating Cheerios without gagging. The worst -- teething. She's not a biter but my nips still suffer.

I'm working full-time, the kid's in daycare, and I'm still pumping 3x a day and nursing. When I'm not doing one of the above I'm struggling with thoughts of weaning and fantasies about winning the lottery or the spontaneous offer of a high paying 3-day-a-week job so that I can work part-time and hang out with my most excellent child more.